The Flood

Rains made me remind,always hated that feeling. But I knew that feeling, the feeling of belonging. I had a connection. Just one connection with the rain and with him. And he decided to take that away and give my rain to someone else.

Guess what? Now, I hate the rains even more.

My fav lines...

1."Aahante jag uthi, raste hasdiye,
thamkar dil uthe hum kisike liye.
Kayi baar aisa bhi dhoka hua hai...
Chale aa rahe hai who nazerain jukaye.

Who jab yaad ayee, bhahut yaad ayee..."

2."Kabhi hua yeh bhi khali raho pe bhi tu tha mere saath,
kabhi tujhe milke lauta mera dil ye khaali khaali haath.
Ye bhi hua kabhi, jaise hua abhi, tujhko sabhi ne paa liya."

Love Letters of My Life...

"You are the biggest Regret of my life."
"There is someone else who understands me better than you and I love HER."
"I am ASHAMED of you."

I will take full credit for the above written words, even though they were not written by me but I did inspire all the three beloved writers. Isn't love a wonderful thing ;)

The Misery of it all.

Sometimes I just wonder will I ever have someone who would listen to me. These are times when you start questioning your being and purpose of life. It somehow doesn’t make any sense and I wonder what it is in it for me.

When you are little, people keep telling you to follow your dreams and when you grow up they even don’t let you try. Somehow these people make you kind of loose perspective of what you doing and what you want from yourself and others. Reality keeps getting stranger and stronger for you to understand and take.

All this while all you are trying to do is keep your mind off these things, you are constantly trying to protect your self from this inevitable question of WHAT THE FUCK IS LIFE? Its frustrating cause the moment you figure out what you want from life it’s somehow not enough. It’s not enough to keep you happy or content. Love, Money, fame, friends, family, everything sounds vague and not worth the pain to live off one whole lifetime.

All of them seems hypocrites and cowards who themselves are struggling to find their way out of the same mess and trying to get out of it by putting you on trial basis. It’s not fair. But that’s what life all about, right?

I keep dreaming of this better life to come, the kinds that they show on TV, the luxury, the fame, the love, all of it, dreaming of all those things that advertising companies make you believe you can have by drinking a cola or wearing a watch. But I know it’s not true. You can’t have it all. But sometimes when I am walking on the streets I see all these happy faces, they are content and laughing, sometimes it feels they are laughing on me. I wish I could be them, switch places or something. But then my useless self-esteem reminds me that you are here so you can be YOU, an individual. Apparently my thoughts, my wants and my needs have to be different from others and I have to fight to stay true to myself. But the truth is that everyone is looking for the same thing, everyone has the same want and everyone is trying to figure out same shit. How does that make me any different from you?

So the question still remains and by now I figured it’s not money, its not fame or even love for the matter that makes life worthwhile. May be it’s the misery of it all. Misery, which seems more human than any of these. And if I figured it all out right than may be right now I am more human than I ever was.

I need You, You want me.

The more I walk away from you
the more you want me.
The lesser I see you,
the more We crave to be.
I stay and I hate;
I don't love
but you want me.
I stick around and cry
You hold Us and smile.
Its destiny,
no I guess its irony.
I don't love you
but I need you.
You don't need me
But you want me.

"I am a song..."

If you hear a rhyme,
that sounds like a rhythm.
If you see a bird,
that flies like time.
Don't stop and ponder,
to understand and wonder.
Its me, a puzzle, a mystery.
A song that sings,
like life that lives.
I walk, I talk, I stroll,
I stop, I look and I think,
then get baffled with my own reflection,
get worried and laugh,
at the misery of life,
then cry of the fear of happiness that has arrived.
The silence feels awkward,
the noise pollutes my mind.
I am recklessness at peace
or a harmony uproar.
A still picture in motion,
some lost mumbled words.
I live some dead life
in hope to sing and get alive again,
run not drag and become a song again.

"God cried for me tonight"

I dreamt of nothing more than a life,
A life with dreams and realities
and at times a sight of glory
in the dark, to save me when I m sorry.
To be loved and unloved,
to be remembered and forgotten,
to be saved and drenched in the rains.
To be loud and clear when no one hears
and be unspoken and unsaid when needed.
To be lost and found
and to be bound
To get lost again,
In the quest to follow some ways ahead,
And let few wander back into the past.
Everything was fine, it felt like life,
And I was used to falling and getting up again,
hit the barn and walk up straight then.
But today it's just not working right;
felt like I just died inside.
I feel I am unwinged and broken to pieces,
I can try to fly
But I don't want to.
It hurts so bad
that I have even lost the will to cry
My heart broke and bled and at this sight
Even god cried for me tonight.